Glorious Grilled Zucchini

My kid eats this voluntarily, bitches!

They're prolific plants, but somehow still endearing.

So we’re walking back from a "work welcome lunch" at a sushi place. Chances are you’ve been to one: "Welcome to the team!" Now we’re just going to ignore you and talk amongst ourselves because we barely know you.

This one wasn’t that bad because we had it after a week or so, not the first day. Then our boss, the big boss, starts telling us a story about his kid.

“We were at the mall the other day and I asked him what he’d want for lunch, ‘Hot dog or sushi?’…He picked sushi.”

You could see it in his face, and hear it in his tone: he knew his kid was a super great kid because he chose sushi.  He has taste and culture. He’s so refined. And he’s only four. I’m such a great parent.


Say what you want about the health of hot dogs, they are fucking tasty. They’re built that way. The only way your kid could possibly not prefer hot dogs over sushi is you probably bought him tofu dogs, or some kind of veggie dog, which has the form of a hot dog but not the flavour of animal lips.

Also, liking sushi doesn’t make you a better person. Or a more refined person. Or someone with taste. Get over yourself and your kid. You and him ain’t special.

I don’t know why I’m bringing this up. Hot dogs and sushi are not germane. We’re here to talk about zucchini…

My kid loves it!

The criss cross allows the salt to penetrate further and draw out more water.

The trick to tasty grilled zucchini is salt.

Don't be shy about the salt.

Zucchini are full of water, which masks the flavour. Salt will help draw out that water. And it will season the zucchini quite well.

Within minutes you'll see what the salt does. Notice the gaps are wider than before.

It only takes minutes before you start seeing a ton of water on the surface.

There is something unique about grilled zucchini. You can't replicate it with any other cooking method.

Serves 2

  • 2 medium zucchini, 3-4 inches long
  • salt
  • olive oil

Cut the zucchini in half lengthwise. Without cutting all the way through, make small cuts diagonally across the width the each half. Then repeat in the other direction, for a criss-cross pattern.

Salt heavily and let sit for 15 minutes. After that turn them over on a paper towel for a few minutes more.

While the zucchini sits, prepare your grill for medium heat.

Grill, cut side down for 6-8 minutes until well marked. Turn over for 2-4 minutes more.

Top with butter or parmesan cheese before serving. Goes with barbecued anything, including hot dogs.

Jason Kemp is a geek trapped in a cool guy's body. He hand crafts software for the web and mobile devices. He excels at user interface design, the deadlift and barbecue. He is @ageektrapped across the internet.

One thought on “Glorious Grilled Zucchini

  1. Ha! I love this post – found it on the humour writing contest page on Dianne J’s site. I also agree with you 100% and would take an animal-lipped hot dog any day over sushi. Am definitely going to try out this zucchini trick soon, I always find it to be so watery. Thanks! :)

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