“It looks like you’re missing half your face.”

Would you believe I’ve been told that more than once lately? They are, of course, referring to the fat part of my face, which is gone. But I wouldn’t say I’m missing it. Don’t worry, the handsome is still there.

I’ve heard that frequently because over the last year, I lost just under 40 pounds.¹ That was my resolution last year.

This is a tough post to write. It’s tough because how do I balance being a pedantic asshole² – as in, “this is how you should do it” – and the “hey, look at what I did, give me hugs and candy and rainbow unicorns” nature of writing about yourself with the fact that I want you to keep reading. This is my third crack at it.

Last year was also my third crack, by crack, in this case, I mean year, at losing the weight. Thankfully, for me, I finally did it.

You may have noticed, Constant Reader, that I didn’t post anything for the last three months of 2010. That was during the last push to lose the final 20 pounds. I wasn’t really interested in trying new dishes, fare I would regularly post here. For three months, we ate the same things pretty regularly. Now I’m going to start telling you what I ate and why.

I’ve always wanted to talk about how food affects our bodies. It’s a fascinating and complex topic. And just about everybody, including most of the experts, gets it totally fucking wrong, at least when it comes to fat gain and fat loss. Dangerously wrong. If you haven’t noticed, these are truly porky times. Sixty percent of Canadians are overweight. That’s more than half. If aliens came down and looked at us, the fat ones would be the normal ones.

And yet, as a former fatty, I know being fat is not fun, not physically, mentally or emotionally. Something is clearly not right here.

But it is fixable; the solution is known, backed with science. There won’t be quick fixes. And there will be setbacks. But you should notice a difference in the first week. Just by making some small changes here and there, and sticking to them most of the time, you’ll notice a difference.

What we’ll see is that we can let our bodies tell us what to eat, after a little conscious nudge in the right direction. And there’s no need to write anything down, or count calories, or go hungry or eat tasteless food. You’ll be surprised what tasty meals you can make that will help you lose fat. If you’re not interested in losing weight, don’t worry the recipes won’t stop.

Let’s get started! The first, and pretty much only, rule for weight loss and long term weight maintenance is if you want to eat it, you gotta make it yourself. All else follows. In other words, get your fat ass in the kitchen and start cooking.³ Don’t worry, it’s fun and rewarding.

And I can show you how, because I know everything, like I said. Stay tuned.

Now where’s my chocolate unicorn?

Notes

1. To be precise, Jan 1 2010 I was 256lbs, 31 December around 217lbs. That’s 39 pounds. I lost over half that between September and December. [↩]
2. Too late! I just used the word pedantic [↩]
3. This is a blog about food and cooking. Even though I’d like to talk about everything else involved, we’ll keep the talk here strictly in the kitchen. [↩]